Banging in the Backyard
by suspensegirlinc
Summary: The in-between scenes of a very twisted, AU, often OOC role-play between one of my friends and myself. Don't read unless you're brave enough to read in confusion. Me/Carter, Bella/theChucks


A/N: I didn't know where to put this, and I wanted it somewhere so my fellow co-writer could see the in between of what happens in our extremely AU role-play when we're not directly talking. This story is twisted, sometimes physically impossible in the real world and I'm pretty sure you won't understand a word of it unless you ask me specifically what all the inside jokes are. Review if you wish, but I'm 99.999999% sure that trying to understand this will only frustrate you.

…

The door closed behind them. He stood watching her, trying to gage what she would say or if he would have to initiate the conversation. Her trembling fingers told him this would not be easy to get through, and it was definitely his fault.

"So, you're pregnant."

She flinched. He mentally smacked himself at his idiocy. Her shoulders relaxed and she slumped in defeat. He hated seeing her like this.

"I was so excited to be seeing you again…"

He thought he saw the beginning of tears in her eyes, but he couldn't be sure. She might be angry and cold. She wasn't usually. It took awhile to get her to that place, but he could have very well put her there. She was no Blair, but that didn't mean she didn't have a dark side deep down. Everyone did. Hers just happened to be short-lived more often than not, lasting a couple days at most.

"Lauren—"

Her head lifted and his suspicions were confirmed. Tears.

"You were hitting on my best friend right in front of me."

He thought about saying she was actually in the other room, but figured that would not be the best response. Quickly, he walked to her, pacing himself, scrambling around for something acceptable that would save him.

"I wouldn't have done anything," he said. "I swear. I just…" he reached for her hand. "I missed you."

Her expression transformed immediately to outrage. "So, you try to hook-up with Bella?" She smacked him upside the head. "You're an ass, Carter." She started to walk away and he panicked.

"Lauren, wait," he followed after her. She held her hand on the door handle leading out. He took a deep breath and exhaled. Picking up the discarded engagement ring, he approached her again. Gently, he grasped her arm and turned her around. He placed the ring in her hand and closed her fingers around it. "Take this with you."

She sighed but then grabbed his other hand. Half-hopeful, he let her. Only after did he realize she was putting the ring back in his possession.

"No."

He shut his eyes briefly. "This must be the fourth time you're breaking off our engagement. You said you wouldn't do it anymore." He hoped the subtle humor would convince her to come to neutral ground.

"This time there's a legitimate reason. Cheating is something I just can't tolerate."

"I didn't _cheat_ on you," he insisted.

"I was gone only a few weeks! And you hit on my best friend because you _missed_ me? Do you plan on _not_ missing me if I'm away longer? How can I trust that you won't cheat when you do something like this?"

He looked so helpless she wished she could just forgive him and forget any of this happened.

"We're having a baby together…" he reminded her softly. It was the last straw he had to grab at.

"Yes, I'm aware." She nodded her head once and made herself cold and distant. "We'll have to deal with those details later."

"Wait, details?" He stopped her as she turned to leave again. "Are you saying you might fight for sole custody?"

"Of course not. I wouldn't keep my child from knowing his—or her biological father."

"_Biological_?" He was starting to get angry. Part of him was overjoyed because she'd let it slip that they were having a boy, but he couldn't address that now.

"I just gave you back your ring, Carter. That can't be a sign for us getting married. If you think it is, you're more stupid than I thought you were."

"We'll work it out. We _are_ getting married."

She scoffed. "You think it's so easy, don't you? You have an end goal in mind, and you just expect it'll happen because you want it to and you have to win."

"Don't confuse me with Chuck," he growled.

"You two are more alike than you think."

"At least I didn't sell you to my uncle for a hotel!"

"Hey! I totally regret that!" an outraged season three Chuck spoke from the doorway leading to an adjoining room. Both Carter and Lauren turned to see him, eyebrows furrowed. Then they turned back around to face each other as the brown-haired fashion statement walked into another room.

"You got Nate pregnant!"

"Oh, please. That was a total hallucination you made up for drama's sake. Just like your supposed older Bass-combined "unicorns"."

She gasped. "Jart and Back _are_ real!"

His mouth hung open. "She's brainwashed you."

"What?"

"Bella's brainwashed you." He captured her face in his hands and looked deep into her eyes and spoke too loud. "Come into the light! Don't be blinded by fairytales!"

Lauren pulled her face away. "Stop it. You're being ridiculous."

"You tell him, Lauren," Season four Blair said, strolling past them into the kitchen. "Take your tiara. Wear it with pride!"

Lauren blinked and then shook her head. "Totally different metaphor…" she muttered.

"Lauren—"

"Okay, fine." She threw her hands up in the air. "I can accept you didn't sleep with Nate and get him pregnant, since that's physically impossible. But if you dare to say that Jart and Back aren't real, so help me—"

"Okay, okay, they're real." He captured her hands and brought them down to her sides. She looked at him skeptically but then relaxed. "I'm sorry," he said, almost in a whisper. "It won't happen again. I swear it won't."

"How can I know that?" she asked.

"Because I love you." His hands tightened around her wrists. She searched his eyes desperately, wanting to believe him badly. "And because I'm a father now. That enforces my protective side more than you can possibly imagine. Who you protect is who you're loyal to."

She sighed. "It should have been that way before. What if I wasn't pregnant now?"

He shook his head, trying to dissuade her. "I've been a player most of my life. My only real relationship was with Serena and that didn't even last that long. If it took two seasons for Blair to turn Chuck into the really committed type, do you really think just a few months is going to keep me from not faltering at all?"

She flinched, both from the mention of his relationship with Serena and from his last glaring point of fact. She wanted to step away from him again, but his hold on her was too firm.

"Don't leave me," he said, his eyes intent on hers.

She closed her eyes, keeping the tears inside with an effort of pure willpower.

"If you can't trust yourself to be 100% faithful to me at all times, maybe we shouldn't be exclusive. In fact, maybe you should try yourself with other girls completely and come back to me when you're ready, if you still want me."

His face fell. She couldn't take the angst in it, so she looked away.

"I don't want my heart broken anymore than it already is."

"But…the baby…"

She took a deep breath and looked at him again. "Like I said, I won't fight for sole custody. Whatever issues the two of us have shouldn't make our…child miserable. I just hope you'll be somewhat of a role model when he asks about you."

With that, she turned around and left, and he let her, looking and feeling more hopeless than he'd ever been. The ring dug into his skin. He gave a shaky sigh and pulled the ever constant little velvet box from his pants' pocket, slipping the ring back inside. The flowers lying on the table seemed so dead in their full bloom. Nothing was alive without her in his life.

He headed for the door, colliding with Serena once it was open.

"Oh, Carter! I heard about the engagement. I know we didn't exactly end on great terms, but—"

"Not now, Serena." He pushed past her and went out toward the street where his limo was waiting. The blonde stood looking puzzled. She walked inside the house and then walked back out a few minutes later, having stumbled upon a season 3 Chuck and season 4 Blair in a compromising position. She wondered if there was cheating amongst the different seasons.

She would contemplate it later.


End file.
